Being excellent at things that come easy is boring. Show me something brave.

So I don't want to write about the dream. These feelings towards specific individuals are too raw and I don't know how to explain them. I proved myself to be extremely apathetic and selfish towards someone that I know I care a lot about, but my recent actions would make people think otherwise. I was played by someone who I know to be a player. In my dream it was very upsetting to me. In real life I expect it, but for some reason my subconscious doesn't think so. My friends had planned this big outing for me and I took my time getting ready because I was too depressed. I feel like I spend so much time dwelling on inconsequential things that I'm missing out. I think way too much. It's been so easy for me to point out my flaws previously and move on. Why can I not do it now? Maybe I'm still trying to prove to myself that I am perfect. That there's no reason for anyone to leave, just their own stupidity...